Lydia has taught me that in the word impossible it really spells I'm possible. Despite what others may say aloud (even if you can't believe that they would really say that), what others will think, how they will judge, or what the silent stares may say....Lydia has done far more than what I will ever accomplish and more than what most others will do in a lifetime. Lydia has defied life itself with fighting constantly to be where she is today, she has overcome stereotype after stereotype just by being who she was created to be and she continues to teach me and those around her about themselves and life. She is simply amazing and she is possible.
With each task for her it may seem like she can't. However, she will work and she will fight until she can accomplish it. For someone else it may not even seem like a big deal, it may not even seem like a task; for Lydia it may be a mountain, it may seem impossible, but she too will climb it when she is ready, she will accomplish it on her own time. She may fall a couple hundred times, she may lose her footings more than a time or two, she may get caught in the elements, but she will never give up. She constantly picks herself up and keeps going. She is on no time schedule, she is not comparing herself to anyone or anything else, she is not meeting a deadline, and often times she really does not matter what it takes to do it. She does not care how she looks she does not even care what others thinks. She focus in on her task and does what it takes until it is complete. She is possible and she teaches others how to think they are possible too.
When I think that I can't climb this next mountain that is staring me in the face, when I think that I am completely exhausted, I think of Lydia. With each task she has accomplished, with each new milestone, it did not matter how many people said that she could not do it, how long it took, how many times she failed; she never gave up. She kept at it until she could do it. That is what I call inspiration. That is what I call complete victory. That is what I call worth.
She sees life through an entirely different lens. Some may say it is distorted, it has no value, it is worthless, it is R****ted; I call it beautiful. I wish I had that same lens. She may never accomplish some of the things that her sisters accomplish, however, they will never accomplish what Lydia accomplishes either. See we can look with a judging lens over her and try to discourage her, but that still will not keep her down. We can look at her with an open lens and try to encourage her and see how much she amazes us. If any child is look at with "I'm Possible" every child can flourish...she is no different.
Lydia is content with her lens, with who she is, her accomplishments, her talents, her abilities, with how God created her. She does not want to change that, she wants to share with you who she is, what she is able to do, and laugh with you. She wants to know you and create a friendship with you. I am trying to learn from this, I am trying to be more like that, however, I would LOVE to see the world through her lens, so pure and untainted.
I am so blessed to have Lydia in my life and continually teach me how to be better, how to live life being content just the way you are. I am so blessed that she is patient and kind and willing to share her gifts she was given so freely. I am so blessed, even on those days that it is hard. The impossible always will be I'm possible no matter what. The impossible will always be possible when I am working hard. Thanks Lydia for another very valuable lesson. It looks like mom has a lot of work ahead of her implementing all of these valuable lessons.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 27
I was completely exhausted from vacation last night to write, so I am catching up this morning. One lesson that I need to remember over and over is that simple is better. I always find myself over complicating things and then they never turn out how I want them to anyways. I get frustrated when I plan a big old fun day to find that the girls only wanted to play in the dirt. I ruin the memories because my ego has been bruised.
Lydia keeps teaching me this every single day. It is not about the toys, but the boxes they come in that are so much fun. It is not about the big vacation that we can go on, but about the number of outdoor play sets we can find to play on. I am still caught up in the dream life that we have to have bigger and more for it to be better.
Just getting back from vacation and I am learning this over again! I am drowning my sorrows of not being able to do this or that because a certain child does not travel well. I am grieving the fact that we may never get to do this or that. But what I am forgetting is the memories that we made. The fun that we had and the time that we were able to share...no matter what we were or were not able to do.
See Lydia nor the other girls really care what we do or where we go. We were able to stay in a motel. That means that they were able to watch TV (we don't have that at home) and make forts and it was a new place to explore. They were able to eat donuts for breakfast and snack all day long. It meant that we were able to go to places that we had not been to before and visit a good friend's shop. It meant that we were able to play on new playground equipment and go hiking through the woods. When asked what the best part of the trip was "It was just spending time with my family."
I get so caught up in the big and the better part of life and I miss out on the small moments. Bigger is not better. I don't know if the same goes for your family, but after what our family has been through, bigger is not better. Those nights of putting our Pj's on early and snuggling together on the couch to watch a movie, it is then that I see the biggest smiles on their faces.
Lydia reminds us over and over that she loves her home and she does much better at home than she does anywhere else. Our house is not big and it is not fancy, but it is safe and comfortable. It is what she knows as home. It does not have to be big or fancy but it does have to have her sisters there and her parents. It does have to be safe and comfortable, simple just as she knows it.
I am battling this lesson on so many levels, but when I learn, I will find joy and peace like all my girls have. They make the best out of any situation, they are content in the small things, and bigger is NOT better for them. See, to have the simple things around; love, family, friends, a feeling of security. I would have thought that I would have learned this after everything we have been through, but I battle this one. Simple is the best. Family means I am rich. Happiness is having that sense of security.
Once again I need to be reminded of this simple but profound lesson that less is more, simple is better and big is not always the best. Being together as a family, having each other's love and presence is the most important thing for them and us. Thank you Lydia for reminding me and I am sorry, but you are going to have to teach this one to me over and over again! One day, I hope, I will understand this critical lesson just as well as you do!
Lydia keeps teaching me this every single day. It is not about the toys, but the boxes they come in that are so much fun. It is not about the big vacation that we can go on, but about the number of outdoor play sets we can find to play on. I am still caught up in the dream life that we have to have bigger and more for it to be better.
Just getting back from vacation and I am learning this over again! I am drowning my sorrows of not being able to do this or that because a certain child does not travel well. I am grieving the fact that we may never get to do this or that. But what I am forgetting is the memories that we made. The fun that we had and the time that we were able to share...no matter what we were or were not able to do.
See Lydia nor the other girls really care what we do or where we go. We were able to stay in a motel. That means that they were able to watch TV (we don't have that at home) and make forts and it was a new place to explore. They were able to eat donuts for breakfast and snack all day long. It meant that we were able to go to places that we had not been to before and visit a good friend's shop. It meant that we were able to play on new playground equipment and go hiking through the woods. When asked what the best part of the trip was "It was just spending time with my family."
I get so caught up in the big and the better part of life and I miss out on the small moments. Bigger is not better. I don't know if the same goes for your family, but after what our family has been through, bigger is not better. Those nights of putting our Pj's on early and snuggling together on the couch to watch a movie, it is then that I see the biggest smiles on their faces.
Lydia reminds us over and over that she loves her home and she does much better at home than she does anywhere else. Our house is not big and it is not fancy, but it is safe and comfortable. It is what she knows as home. It does not have to be big or fancy but it does have to have her sisters there and her parents. It does have to be safe and comfortable, simple just as she knows it.
I am battling this lesson on so many levels, but when I learn, I will find joy and peace like all my girls have. They make the best out of any situation, they are content in the small things, and bigger is NOT better for them. See, to have the simple things around; love, family, friends, a feeling of security. I would have thought that I would have learned this after everything we have been through, but I battle this one. Simple is the best. Family means I am rich. Happiness is having that sense of security.
Once again I need to be reminded of this simple but profound lesson that less is more, simple is better and big is not always the best. Being together as a family, having each other's love and presence is the most important thing for them and us. Thank you Lydia for reminding me and I am sorry, but you are going to have to teach this one to me over and over again! One day, I hope, I will understand this critical lesson just as well as you do!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 26
As the days go by I am struggling to continue to explain why Lydia makes me better. There is lesson after lesson that I have learned from her and as I am happy to share them, sometimes I feel like a lot of the lessons are very similar, yet very different. Sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself. But I cannot help but try to encourage someone who just found out that their baby may have a little something extra, to try to help others see that Lydia is more alike that different. However, it is not up to me to change people's minds, they have to do it for themselves. And the only way to really do that is to surround yourself with people who are different than you.
I remember that it was scary learning that our child was different. And the only reason that she had the label of different is because society is trying to lump all of these beautifully created people into one category when they really can't. There are trends and risks for people who are extra special, but my other children have that too....there just is not a HUGE spot light that creates attention.
I guess what I am trying to say is that because I was vulnerable, I opened myself up to a new experience, a new challenge, I have been blessed. Because I said yes I will love you unconditionally for who you were created to be I have been blessed beyond my comprehension. However, you must first get to the point that you are willing to expose yourself in such a way.
If I look at it like that, I cannot expect others to fully understand the goodness of Lydia until they want to open themselves up and experience the blessings. PreLydia days I probably was not so open to people who looked different, acted in a different way, looked a little different. I probably saw a child acting out and thought that they were not properly disciplined instead of now I am more open to the possibility of something else. I think if we are all honest with ourselves we would have to admit that.
I am blessed because I said yes. She has taught me stuff beyond what I thought was possible. However, I am in a teachable place because I did say yes! That is a great spot to be in and I pray that I am able to stay here. God is using me and growing me because I am open to that. Lydia has taught me that just because she was born. I hope that makes sense. But we were given that choice (there was no choice for us because I do not believe in abortion and that would never be an issue for our family no matter what) when we found out that there may be something different with our baby. At that very moment I was teachable and I have been learning lessons about myself and life ever since then.
Thank you Lydia for showing me a whole new path in life, for allowing me to look at a circumstance through much different eyes. Thank you for allowing me to be a better person and constantly growing.
I remember that it was scary learning that our child was different. And the only reason that she had the label of different is because society is trying to lump all of these beautifully created people into one category when they really can't. There are trends and risks for people who are extra special, but my other children have that too....there just is not a HUGE spot light that creates attention.
I guess what I am trying to say is that because I was vulnerable, I opened myself up to a new experience, a new challenge, I have been blessed. Because I said yes I will love you unconditionally for who you were created to be I have been blessed beyond my comprehension. However, you must first get to the point that you are willing to expose yourself in such a way.
If I look at it like that, I cannot expect others to fully understand the goodness of Lydia until they want to open themselves up and experience the blessings. PreLydia days I probably was not so open to people who looked different, acted in a different way, looked a little different. I probably saw a child acting out and thought that they were not properly disciplined instead of now I am more open to the possibility of something else. I think if we are all honest with ourselves we would have to admit that.
I am blessed because I said yes. She has taught me stuff beyond what I thought was possible. However, I am in a teachable place because I did say yes! That is a great spot to be in and I pray that I am able to stay here. God is using me and growing me because I am open to that. Lydia has taught me that just because she was born. I hope that makes sense. But we were given that choice (there was no choice for us because I do not believe in abortion and that would never be an issue for our family no matter what) when we found out that there may be something different with our baby. At that very moment I was teachable and I have been learning lessons about myself and life ever since then.
Thank you Lydia for showing me a whole new path in life, for allowing me to look at a circumstance through much different eyes. Thank you for allowing me to be a better person and constantly growing.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 25
The power of a smile. I never realized the power of a smile until I had Lydia. While I LOVED when my other children smiled, it never had quite the impact of Lydia's smile. I think there are several reasons for this.
One, when Lydia smiles, she uses her entire face. Her smile can be seen in the darkness from anywhere. It is amazing how much her smile lights up. She smiles with her eyes, her nose, her cheek bones, her forehead, her eyebrows, her ears...her entire face lights up.
She feeds off of other people. As soon as she sees someone she just lights up. And it is not half heartily, but she does it with all of her being. She makes sure the person is look and flashes that cheese ball smile that you can't help but fall in love with.
To me her smile means that she has survived. I have watched her endure so much. She has battled through surgery after surgery, she has been dead and alive in the same moments, she constantly had people poking and prodding and her, she was always made to do something that she did not want to do. She has overcome that and not just survived, but she has a BEAUTIFUL smile on her face too. She is proud of that and she can smile about it. It is not a smile that holds grudges because she feels sorry that she had to endure everything, not a smile that is holding back because she thinks that she is of less worth; but a smile that radiates confidence and self pride. A smile that was created to light up the lives of those around her.
I am told often that people could just look at her smile and it can turn their day around. People have asked me if I will just bring her by their office so she can put them in a good mood. To be able to have that much of an impact on people's lives is simply amazing.
I am blessed to have that smile around me every second of the day. I usually don't take it for granted either. I usually can't help but smile back at her and hug her. Something about that smile that takes my breath way. Something about that smile that is simply amazing. Something about that smile that is nothing more than a miracle!
One, when Lydia smiles, she uses her entire face. Her smile can be seen in the darkness from anywhere. It is amazing how much her smile lights up. She smiles with her eyes, her nose, her cheek bones, her forehead, her eyebrows, her ears...her entire face lights up.
She feeds off of other people. As soon as she sees someone she just lights up. And it is not half heartily, but she does it with all of her being. She makes sure the person is look and flashes that cheese ball smile that you can't help but fall in love with.
To me her smile means that she has survived. I have watched her endure so much. She has battled through surgery after surgery, she has been dead and alive in the same moments, she constantly had people poking and prodding and her, she was always made to do something that she did not want to do. She has overcome that and not just survived, but she has a BEAUTIFUL smile on her face too. She is proud of that and she can smile about it. It is not a smile that holds grudges because she feels sorry that she had to endure everything, not a smile that is holding back because she thinks that she is of less worth; but a smile that radiates confidence and self pride. A smile that was created to light up the lives of those around her.
I am told often that people could just look at her smile and it can turn their day around. People have asked me if I will just bring her by their office so she can put them in a good mood. To be able to have that much of an impact on people's lives is simply amazing.
I am blessed to have that smile around me every second of the day. I usually don't take it for granted either. I usually can't help but smile back at her and hug her. Something about that smile that takes my breath way. Something about that smile that is simply amazing. Something about that smile that is nothing more than a miracle!
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 24
The more and more I thought about what happened yesterday, I couldn't help but see that it was a blessing in disguise. While the words hurt and sting, I know my daughter is worth more and I know that I don't have to prove that to anyone. It is almost like a hurdle that I had to climb over to get to a better spot. I know that I will never be able to change every one's mind, but I would ask that everyone at least give people with DS (or any disability for that matter) a chance before judging.
However, I think when something bad has been done to you the feeling is horrible. But if you take a look back and reflect things are not always as they appear. I have been asking how many times in my life have I done something like that? How many times have I said something before knowing the whole situation? How do I treat other people? What else is happening in my life that is not God honoring?
I believe that when you can get to a place in your life like this, when someone has done something mean to you and you can ask yourself what can I learn from this; I believe that you are growing and the Holy Spirit is working in and through you. I know that there are so many nasty things in my life that I must take care of before I start looking at other people. I have an awareness of how my feelings and actions affect others and it hurts me when I hurt others.
God is always using obstacles in our lives to teach us and grow us. We miss out on these opportunities because we are consumed with ourselves, feeling sorry for us, or trying to place blame on someone else because it is easier than looking inside ourselves. We are our own worst stumbling block in this manner. We miss out on blessing after blessing because we feel we know better.
Yesterday as I was sitting on the couch, Lydia was playing with my hair. She was stroking her fingers through each strand of hair. At one point, she decided that she would not be gentle anymore. I said ouch and told her to be gentle and nice. Her bottom lip immediately came out and she felt bad. She hugged me and said sorry. It hurts her to see others hurt.
She did the same thing with her sister. Her sister fell and hurt her knee and was crying. Lydia stopped what she was doing and walked across the room to hug her and pat her on the back. It did not matter what she was doing, she heard someone was in distress and she wanted to be there to comfort. She wanted to be there to help out. What an amazing thing to witness!
I realize this way of thinking is not very popular. Yelling, punching, screaming, saying hurtful things usually are our first reactions. However, if we give into these things we are no better than the person who did it to us first. The hard thing is to take the high road and walk away and pray for that person. We are to love our enemies too!
While I am far from being perfect, God is working on me. He is constantly giving me these situations to learn. When I walked into that store last night (Lydia was not with me), I held my husbands hand and held my head high. I am stronger because of these words. I am stronger because of the hurt. While the sting is there and sometimes catches me off guard, I know that I am strong; I know that my God is bigger than any situation.
Lydia is constantly teaching me how to be a better person. I need to remember that I too am not always a kind, caring person; nor have I always been nice. This is my life now and I cannot expect everyone to understand Lydia (or disabilities) the way I do. I too had an adjustment period, while I always loved her, there is that unsettling feeling and fear of the unknown and differences. I can ask for a chance from people, but some people are unwilling to give that too. So I will go confident in the journey that God has given me and continue to question in the difficult situations what I am suppose to learn!
However, I think when something bad has been done to you the feeling is horrible. But if you take a look back and reflect things are not always as they appear. I have been asking how many times in my life have I done something like that? How many times have I said something before knowing the whole situation? How do I treat other people? What else is happening in my life that is not God honoring?
I believe that when you can get to a place in your life like this, when someone has done something mean to you and you can ask yourself what can I learn from this; I believe that you are growing and the Holy Spirit is working in and through you. I know that there are so many nasty things in my life that I must take care of before I start looking at other people. I have an awareness of how my feelings and actions affect others and it hurts me when I hurt others.
God is always using obstacles in our lives to teach us and grow us. We miss out on these opportunities because we are consumed with ourselves, feeling sorry for us, or trying to place blame on someone else because it is easier than looking inside ourselves. We are our own worst stumbling block in this manner. We miss out on blessing after blessing because we feel we know better.
Yesterday as I was sitting on the couch, Lydia was playing with my hair. She was stroking her fingers through each strand of hair. At one point, she decided that she would not be gentle anymore. I said ouch and told her to be gentle and nice. Her bottom lip immediately came out and she felt bad. She hugged me and said sorry. It hurts her to see others hurt.
She did the same thing with her sister. Her sister fell and hurt her knee and was crying. Lydia stopped what she was doing and walked across the room to hug her and pat her on the back. It did not matter what she was doing, she heard someone was in distress and she wanted to be there to comfort. She wanted to be there to help out. What an amazing thing to witness!
I realize this way of thinking is not very popular. Yelling, punching, screaming, saying hurtful things usually are our first reactions. However, if we give into these things we are no better than the person who did it to us first. The hard thing is to take the high road and walk away and pray for that person. We are to love our enemies too!
While I am far from being perfect, God is working on me. He is constantly giving me these situations to learn. When I walked into that store last night (Lydia was not with me), I held my husbands hand and held my head high. I am stronger because of these words. I am stronger because of the hurt. While the sting is there and sometimes catches me off guard, I know that I am strong; I know that my God is bigger than any situation.
Lydia is constantly teaching me how to be a better person. I need to remember that I too am not always a kind, caring person; nor have I always been nice. This is my life now and I cannot expect everyone to understand Lydia (or disabilities) the way I do. I too had an adjustment period, while I always loved her, there is that unsettling feeling and fear of the unknown and differences. I can ask for a chance from people, but some people are unwilling to give that too. So I will go confident in the journey that God has given me and continue to question in the difficult situations what I am suppose to learn!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 23
Today my post is going to be a little different. I feel very compelled to write about an experience that happened this morning. After all, writing has become an escape for me. I really don't care if people read what I have to say, like what I have to say, or comment about what I am writing about; it is a great way for me to escape from my life for a moment to just breathe! I enjoy it and it does make me happy that some people read what I write!!! So I felt like I needed to address this situation and the more I thought about it and prayed on it, this situation allowed me to put into practice some of the things that Lydia has taught me.
This morning I went to the store. I really had not much to do today, other than pack, and I was not looking forward to that. I thought that Lydia and I could enjoy a little shopping. I have NEVER been embarrassed to take her out and there has never been a fear of taking her out. As I entered the store, I put her in the cart. I heard "A baby like that does not even deserve to be born." I turned to find a lady walking towards me and I said "Excuse me!" I wanted to make sure that she in fact was talking to me. Lydia was sitting in the cart, chatting, smiling, and waving. She brushed past me and said "You would be better if she was never born."
I sat there, jaw on the ground and tears streaming from my eyes. I could not speak, I was completely stunned. No moment to come and talk, no time to say anything, just brushing past and judging my child and my family. I was frozen in that moment unsure what to do. I was trying to process how someone could be so mean. I picked Lydia up out of the cart and hugged her, sobbing and made my way to our car.
I held on to her and just sobbed. She hugged back so tightly as she knew something terrible had happened. She pulled away for a second and smiled at me. Then she pulled me closer. We danced the whole way home as I sobbed.
I came inside and texted my husband who immediately called me. He asked who this was. It was no other than a passerby who clearly was not tolerant of someone with Down Syndrome. I said that I realized it was just words, but they stung and still sting. I know that her opinion does not matter, and there will always be someone who is willing to put in their two cents, but wow that was hurtful. I said that I was sad because I did not even have a chance to educate this lady about who Lydia is. My heart actually aches for her.
I don't know this lady and I don't know her situation. But I pray for her. Maybe she experienced a huge loss, maybe she aborted a baby with Down Syndrome, maybe someone close to her was institutionalized because of DS, maybe she lost someone she cared for dearly who had DS, maybe it is just complete ignorance. I am not sure what the case is and I never will. But I pray for her. I pray that she would understand what a blessing a child/adult like Lydia is. Differences yes, but likenesses oh yeah! She is more alike than different.
As I have thought more and more about this situation, about these lessons I have been writing about, about Down Syndrome awareness month what a great situation. See, when I got home I shared a picture on my Facebook page of Lydia smiling away in her car seat. I wrote a small description about why awareness is so important. That picture has gotten shared a couple of times, but maybe it will be viewed by someone who it will affect. Someone who was unaware of DS prior to that picture. So maybe some good will come out of this.
Discrimination is a horrible thing and it will be something that Lydia will most likely encounter for the rest of her life. Believe me, I am trying my hardest to do what I can so she does not have to feel the wrath, but discrimination is present in all shapes and forms. However, it is important that I handle it in a manner that I am able to teach her to do the best thing. I need to always be a teacher to her.
Yes, thousands of my things went through my head of what I wanted to do, what I wish that I would have done, and what I hope would be done to her. However, I am so thankful that God quieted my tongue, He made my feet as heavy as cement, and gave me tears that I could just turn and walk away. Even at the age of 27 months my child is learning from me. I taught her that words can really hurt, but it is better to walk away and pray for that person than scream back.
The could of, would of, should of set in about educating this lady. However, I truly don't think that whatever I would have said would have made a difference. She did, however, look me right in the eye and she saw that hurt she caused. She also saw my daughter; her contagious smile and her wave that could melt even the coldest person's heart. Maybe this image will be enough to cause her to reevaluate herself and maybe change. But I am only accountable for my actions and not hers. Hard hard hard thing to understand in a circumstance like this. I do think that education with someone like her is not always the best thing. But just standing strong sends a much stronger message.
As tough as words are, as hurtful as it may be, we must behave in a way that is appropriate. If I called names back and I said hurtful things to her, I am no better than she is. Being uneducated about Down Syndrome is a horrible thing in my mind, but not being taught how to keep your mouth shut, or respect others is just a tragedy.
I am thankful my other girls were not there to hear that. They have been around to hear some pretty nasty things before. But each time we try to teach them how to be proud of their sister, no matter what. Just like they are suppose to be proud of themselves no matter what others say about them. Each time is a teaching moment.
In this moment, I was thankful for all of the lessons that Lydia has taught me. I know that she would have not acted much different than what I did. She does not like hurtful words and she would have cried too. I know that she would not have spouted anything back that was nasty or unkind. Lydia has taught me how to stand up and be strong, how to be courageous and compassionate. Lydia has taught me that it is better to take the higher road even when the other person is clearly wrong. I am learning some of these lessons and I am applying them...sometimes.
So, I hope you continue to create awareness about Down Syndrome. We have a long ways to go yet, but we are gaining a lot of ground. We have gone in the store many, many times and have never had this happen. Usually she gets all of the attention and I hear how cute she is. Usually everyone loves her to death and it is hard to make your way through the store. I am thankful for that. But I do think that we need to continue to educate. And not just about Down Syndrome, but anyone who happens to be different because God created them in a special way. She is not a mistake, she is not deformed, she is not less of a being, and she certainly deserves everything anyone else gets; after all she was created from the same loving God that created you and me. She is joy, she is laughter, she is the light of my world, she is life, she is love, and she is my delight!
This morning I went to the store. I really had not much to do today, other than pack, and I was not looking forward to that. I thought that Lydia and I could enjoy a little shopping. I have NEVER been embarrassed to take her out and there has never been a fear of taking her out. As I entered the store, I put her in the cart. I heard "A baby like that does not even deserve to be born." I turned to find a lady walking towards me and I said "Excuse me!" I wanted to make sure that she in fact was talking to me. Lydia was sitting in the cart, chatting, smiling, and waving. She brushed past me and said "You would be better if she was never born."
I sat there, jaw on the ground and tears streaming from my eyes. I could not speak, I was completely stunned. No moment to come and talk, no time to say anything, just brushing past and judging my child and my family. I was frozen in that moment unsure what to do. I was trying to process how someone could be so mean. I picked Lydia up out of the cart and hugged her, sobbing and made my way to our car.
I held on to her and just sobbed. She hugged back so tightly as she knew something terrible had happened. She pulled away for a second and smiled at me. Then she pulled me closer. We danced the whole way home as I sobbed.
I came inside and texted my husband who immediately called me. He asked who this was. It was no other than a passerby who clearly was not tolerant of someone with Down Syndrome. I said that I realized it was just words, but they stung and still sting. I know that her opinion does not matter, and there will always be someone who is willing to put in their two cents, but wow that was hurtful. I said that I was sad because I did not even have a chance to educate this lady about who Lydia is. My heart actually aches for her.
I don't know this lady and I don't know her situation. But I pray for her. Maybe she experienced a huge loss, maybe she aborted a baby with Down Syndrome, maybe someone close to her was institutionalized because of DS, maybe she lost someone she cared for dearly who had DS, maybe it is just complete ignorance. I am not sure what the case is and I never will. But I pray for her. I pray that she would understand what a blessing a child/adult like Lydia is. Differences yes, but likenesses oh yeah! She is more alike than different.
As I have thought more and more about this situation, about these lessons I have been writing about, about Down Syndrome awareness month what a great situation. See, when I got home I shared a picture on my Facebook page of Lydia smiling away in her car seat. I wrote a small description about why awareness is so important. That picture has gotten shared a couple of times, but maybe it will be viewed by someone who it will affect. Someone who was unaware of DS prior to that picture. So maybe some good will come out of this.
Discrimination is a horrible thing and it will be something that Lydia will most likely encounter for the rest of her life. Believe me, I am trying my hardest to do what I can so she does not have to feel the wrath, but discrimination is present in all shapes and forms. However, it is important that I handle it in a manner that I am able to teach her to do the best thing. I need to always be a teacher to her.
Yes, thousands of my things went through my head of what I wanted to do, what I wish that I would have done, and what I hope would be done to her. However, I am so thankful that God quieted my tongue, He made my feet as heavy as cement, and gave me tears that I could just turn and walk away. Even at the age of 27 months my child is learning from me. I taught her that words can really hurt, but it is better to walk away and pray for that person than scream back.
The could of, would of, should of set in about educating this lady. However, I truly don't think that whatever I would have said would have made a difference. She did, however, look me right in the eye and she saw that hurt she caused. She also saw my daughter; her contagious smile and her wave that could melt even the coldest person's heart. Maybe this image will be enough to cause her to reevaluate herself and maybe change. But I am only accountable for my actions and not hers. Hard hard hard thing to understand in a circumstance like this. I do think that education with someone like her is not always the best thing. But just standing strong sends a much stronger message.
As tough as words are, as hurtful as it may be, we must behave in a way that is appropriate. If I called names back and I said hurtful things to her, I am no better than she is. Being uneducated about Down Syndrome is a horrible thing in my mind, but not being taught how to keep your mouth shut, or respect others is just a tragedy.
I am thankful my other girls were not there to hear that. They have been around to hear some pretty nasty things before. But each time we try to teach them how to be proud of their sister, no matter what. Just like they are suppose to be proud of themselves no matter what others say about them. Each time is a teaching moment.
In this moment, I was thankful for all of the lessons that Lydia has taught me. I know that she would have not acted much different than what I did. She does not like hurtful words and she would have cried too. I know that she would not have spouted anything back that was nasty or unkind. Lydia has taught me how to stand up and be strong, how to be courageous and compassionate. Lydia has taught me that it is better to take the higher road even when the other person is clearly wrong. I am learning some of these lessons and I am applying them...sometimes.
So, I hope you continue to create awareness about Down Syndrome. We have a long ways to go yet, but we are gaining a lot of ground. We have gone in the store many, many times and have never had this happen. Usually she gets all of the attention and I hear how cute she is. Usually everyone loves her to death and it is hard to make your way through the store. I am thankful for that. But I do think that we need to continue to educate. And not just about Down Syndrome, but anyone who happens to be different because God created them in a special way. She is not a mistake, she is not deformed, she is not less of a being, and she certainly deserves everything anyone else gets; after all she was created from the same loving God that created you and me. She is joy, she is laughter, she is the light of my world, she is life, she is love, and she is my delight!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 22
Today's lesson that I want to share with you is about relationships. Lydia has taught me a lot about relationships. I thought that I was pretty good with relationships and then she came along. I had to learn how to step outside of my comfort zone and really listen. Something that I am not good at; listening. She taught me how valuable relationships are and how important they are to our existence. She taught me about weathering relationships in hard times and in good, in stressful situations and in easy situations, and with people you like and people you don't. It is all important.
Being in the hospital is no fun at all. However, it is much more difficult when a doctor who is caring for your precious little one has a bad bedside manner, or you and the doctor just don't get along or see eye to eye. However, even in these tough situations when emotions are running high, you still have to get along. Somewhere, and often times it falls to the parents shoulders, must compromise or "pretend to agree" for the sake of your sick child. Sometimes you don't agree with how they treat your child, how they interact with the siblings, how they treat you, how they talk down to you; however, you still need to have a working relationship with them, there needs to be proper communication so the goal at hand can be accomplished. Tough, but it can be done. And it will be done with that is your child laying there.
You soon realize that screaming and yelling is not the way to handle it. You soon realize that sometimes being silent is better than talking over them. You soon realize that you can get what you want (or what you child needs) when you are in a good relationship with the doctor or the nurse or the therapist or the school. Teaching yourself how to be effective in relationships is really an art. Thanks to Lydia I have realized that and I have started working on that.
A marriage in a stressful time is really hard. Days when you are upset with what is going on at the hospital or you just want to be out of the situation, it is so easy to take it out on your spouse. However, by talking through your emotions, and listening, and just crying at times are much more productive ways to release that extra emotion. Somehow God just carried my husband and I through these tough times in the hospital. Our marriage has been greatly strengthened. I can't really explain it but by allowing God to work in and through us, we are much stronger by enduring months in the hospital than we were before. And very few times did we not honor one another. Just another great miracle that we were able to experience from God. But we have learned how to respect one another in good times and in bad.
Last night we had one of our CICU nurses come to our house for dinner. After almost two years we have a friendship with her. She drove the 45 minutes to our house and hung out with our family. She is just a wonderful wonderful nurse. But again, Lydia taught us the importance of having relationships. She taught us the bond of lasting friendship. This nurse has gone above and beyond the call of duty many times and Lydia was extremely blessed to have her care for her. We are beyond blessed to be able to call her friend. Because of Lydia we understand better how important relationships are.
Relationships are the key to most everything in life. Because of what Lydia has taught me, I have a better relationship with my husband, my children, my mom, my mother-in-law, my dad, my father-in-law, my sisters, my nieces and nephews. I understand how fragile life is and that my silly little battles just are not worth it. It is better, often times. to forget my small gripes for the sake of the relationship. I am so blessed that God loved me enough that He gave Lydia to our family.
Being in the hospital is no fun at all. However, it is much more difficult when a doctor who is caring for your precious little one has a bad bedside manner, or you and the doctor just don't get along or see eye to eye. However, even in these tough situations when emotions are running high, you still have to get along. Somewhere, and often times it falls to the parents shoulders, must compromise or "pretend to agree" for the sake of your sick child. Sometimes you don't agree with how they treat your child, how they interact with the siblings, how they treat you, how they talk down to you; however, you still need to have a working relationship with them, there needs to be proper communication so the goal at hand can be accomplished. Tough, but it can be done. And it will be done with that is your child laying there.
You soon realize that screaming and yelling is not the way to handle it. You soon realize that sometimes being silent is better than talking over them. You soon realize that you can get what you want (or what you child needs) when you are in a good relationship with the doctor or the nurse or the therapist or the school. Teaching yourself how to be effective in relationships is really an art. Thanks to Lydia I have realized that and I have started working on that.
A marriage in a stressful time is really hard. Days when you are upset with what is going on at the hospital or you just want to be out of the situation, it is so easy to take it out on your spouse. However, by talking through your emotions, and listening, and just crying at times are much more productive ways to release that extra emotion. Somehow God just carried my husband and I through these tough times in the hospital. Our marriage has been greatly strengthened. I can't really explain it but by allowing God to work in and through us, we are much stronger by enduring months in the hospital than we were before. And very few times did we not honor one another. Just another great miracle that we were able to experience from God. But we have learned how to respect one another in good times and in bad.
Last night we had one of our CICU nurses come to our house for dinner. After almost two years we have a friendship with her. She drove the 45 minutes to our house and hung out with our family. She is just a wonderful wonderful nurse. But again, Lydia taught us the importance of having relationships. She taught us the bond of lasting friendship. This nurse has gone above and beyond the call of duty many times and Lydia was extremely blessed to have her care for her. We are beyond blessed to be able to call her friend. Because of Lydia we understand better how important relationships are.
Relationships are the key to most everything in life. Because of what Lydia has taught me, I have a better relationship with my husband, my children, my mom, my mother-in-law, my dad, my father-in-law, my sisters, my nieces and nephews. I understand how fragile life is and that my silly little battles just are not worth it. It is better, often times. to forget my small gripes for the sake of the relationship. I am so blessed that God loved me enough that He gave Lydia to our family.
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