I watch you sitting on the floor playing with a toy. You are so determined and there is something amazing watching you try to slide every colored wooden piece to the other side of the toy. You understand what is suppose to happen and then you try and try to accomplish it. You don't give up, not even once. You keep going despite your growing frustration. I love watching you play. I love watching you try and try and I love watching you celebrate as you accomplish what you want.
Tears start rolling down my face. There was a time when I thought that this toy should only be for babies. A time when I would have had that toy packed away long before now. I would have expected that you should be on to something new, learning and exploring things at a different age group. I may have convinced myself that you should be something more than what you are, I may have even regretted moments like this.
As I watch you and I continue to cry, you quickly glance at me. Without hesitation you get up, climb on my lap and embrace me. You say nothing, but as I look into your eyes you tell me everything. Your eyes tell great stories. You grab my face and look deep into my eyes. Then you use your elbows and wipe away my tears. You don't say anything but smile. We have exchanged thousands of words in this short while, but we haven't uttered one single word. You hug me again.
In the background music starts playing. You instantly start directing the music. You are perfectly timed with they rhythm of the song. You do it as though you were meant to direct the most beautiful music in the world. You continue directing and keeping with the rhythm until the next thing catches your eye and you are off.
I heard someone say that love is about sacrificing and giving someone else what they want, even if it means sacrificing what you really want. It is about focusing on what you have, not regretting, not longing for what you don't have. In these moments this morning, you reminded me of that once again.
You are exactly what I need, and God knew that. Sometimes I have a hard time realizing that. Too often I am caught up more in what I want and what I thought that should have been. It is sad because I miss these simple moments, I miss what was given to me, what I should be focusing on. When I spend too long in that state of regret, longing, that place of discontentment, it robs me of everything that you are and every blessing that was meant for my life.
I would ever change you, but when the moments are hard, when the months are long; I find myself wishing, dreaming of more of something else. Those moments of comparing take my eyes off of these moments. That discontentment robs me of the simple moments of love. It takes me to a place that I should not be and miss what I do have.
I realize this journey is hard, it is long but when I am not present where God has placed me, I miss out on so many blessings. This morning was a great reminder of the simple joy that you bring. The simple joy that we all miss because we are not content or we are busy comparing what that person has and trying to achieve something that is not meant for our life. If we want to find true and pure love it is focusing on what we do have and not longing for something we don't have.
In that moment, I found that I have a fortune. You told me so in our conversation this morning when we exchanged stares.