It has been a nice and relaxing weekend. One that was needed in this house. We did much of nothing except hang out as a family. We created many memories and laughed and smiled. I think it was a little bit of reteaching one another what a family is suppose to do. We left the things we just can't seem to get away from go for moments and really just enjoyed the simple moments. It is hard to do this in life, but something that we just need to do. What a great weekend!
One thing that I have been thinking about a lot is the irony of some things. I think there is a lot of odd stuff in this world that just does not make sense. So, let me tell you about the one that really has been bothering me. There is a movement to do more and more genetic testing to see if an unborn child has a "defect." If this "defect" is detected than it would just be nonsense to allow that unborn child to live in such a matter (no one really asks that child if it is OK or even the parents). There are scare tactics and lots of statistics thrown at people to make them think that killing that child would be the best thing. I realize this is not the case all of the time, but if you are up on your reading, about 90% (or better) of the unborn children who have tested positive for Down syndrome alone are killed. That is not to mention all of the other "defects" where the child is killed. Or there are such things as non compatible with life diagnosis that doctors label children with.
So, the doctors seem to think they have this figured out, except when a child who tested positive for Down syndrome is born and is perfectly healthy. Or a perfectly healthy child is born and has Down syndrome. Well, something must have been wrong with the test, something went wrong. Or could it be that we just don't know? Maybe we are not able to look into a crystal ball and know everything. Maybe science will only take us so far and we just have to trust in God for the rest? I am not sure.
So, let's say you get through the pregnancy and have the child, now, this same profession wants you to trust them to care for your child? Remember, this is the same one that thought that they did not have a chance, the same ones that said your child would be better off dead. And you want me to trust you to care for my child and give me advice.
Really, in a lot of cases, you have no choice. If a child, like Lydia is born, there are so many medical complications you must trust. So you do. Mistakes are made, your child does the very same things that they said she would never do. Your child does not match the label that they are given. Your child does not fit the description in the books. You child certainly does not do as they are suppose to do. Now what do you do? Just let them poke your child one more time? Just let them run one more test?
And what happens when you trust that person and they tell you something so absurd? Something like your fairly healthy, developing child would be better institutionalized. You can just wash your hands of your child and move on. GULP, let me swallow this. No, I think not. And then you are to continue to trust them? You are to continue to have them give you advice about your child? I think not.
OK...so I am being a little sarcastic here. Sorry. Well, not really. I just can't help but think how ironic it is. How insane this sounds. These doctors, sometimes, think they know more than God. They think that they can play with the parents emotions and feelings. They can predict the future. Now, we have had some INCREDIBLE doctors. I am not saying all of them are this way. We were very blessed that we were not pressured, by a doctor, to have an abortion. Most of our care takers and nurses and doctors and surgeons were great. However, sometimes it is just that one bad apple that spoils it all.
I have been praying and trying to release this and ask God over and over what I should be learning. I just cannot give it up. I just seem to not be able to let it go. I have been here before. I have asked these same things. However, this time it I just could not put my finger on it. I was actually sitting in church and I was slapped across the face. Duh....I keep asking the doctors and I forget to ask God. Yes, I ask Him what I think, but not what does He think. I ask for His Will to be done, but not really. I want her to grow and I want her to be healthy, I want all of this. I am asking doctor after doctor, but I never really asked the Great Physician.
So maybe this is as clear as mud to you, but this is as clear as bathwater to me. It just made sense. When I was born again, I remember that I am different than this world. I live to a different standard. I am accountable to God, not to this world. I am not of this world, I am just in this world. This is my temporary place until I meet my Father. That is so wonderful!
I guess my slap in the face was this is just one more thing of why we cannot trust this world. These doctors are human just as I am. They are sinners just as I am. They cannot predict Lydia's future. Yes, they have more information of the anatomy of her body than I do. They know the inner workings better than I do. They can give me insight and they can give me perspective. However, they cannot predict what she can or cannot do. It is unfair for them to do that also!
The only thing we can trust in life is God, His promises. He has been the only thing that has been constant, unwavering, unchanging, in this total mess of a life. He is always listening, even when He is silent, He is there. That light turning green on your way to work when you are late, that extra $20 that you found in your pocket when you thought you were broke, that smile from a stranger when you were tearing up in the store. Those are not coincidences, no the God who created this world, He planned each and every detail of your life. He cares and He loves you, it was not by chance, it was by design. Praise God!
This is just so exciting to me. So I am not trying to put down the medical world by any means. We are so thankful to have all of the nurses and doctors and surgeons on Lydia's team. We are so thankful for all that they have done. But I needed this reminder. I have been so focused on what they have been telling me and trying to get it all right, that I somehow slipped into this world. I somehow put it first before my Father. It is so easy to do. But He is so loving and gentle that He just reminded me, He taught me. I am so thankful for that.
But the irony in somethings is just funny to me. When you stop and think about it, it really does not make sense. Yet, in our world, we try to make sense of it. A lot of times we put all of our stock in that. We make ourselves crazy (yep, I am guilty of that) trying to make it make sense. God is waiting there, He wants to help us. He may not answer the way that we want Him to, it will still be His plan, but He will be there. It often times is a long hard road, but He will never let go.
Crazy thoughts tonight, I am just so gitty about what God has taught me. Now to apply that to life. To not only remember it this time, but the next and the next!!! Thanks for sticking with me to the end of it. I need to mention again, we have had wonderful wonderful doctors and nurses, I am not trying to put them down. I do believe that God hand-picked each one of them for a very specific reason and purpose (and yes even the ones whose bed side manors are less than desirable), we have been blessed. So, please hear me when I am talking about the irony of the crazy world we live in and I really am praising our medical team because it was all God's doing. Glory to Him.
I have to add, on day six, Lydia threw up. He has a wonderful sense of humor! However, I don't believe that she was sick, we are thinking that it is a gag reflex from her teething. But she is slowly starting to increase fluids. So continue to pray that this would be God's Will. She seems to be doing well.
The Echo is scheduled for November 14. Please pray for this. Pray that Lydia takes the sedation well and that we get a clean Echo. Also pray that she is able to stay healthy for the Echo this time!
Thanks again for your prayers and support. We really appreciate them.