What if the shoe DOESEN'T fit?

I think the longer you are around hospitals and doctors and so forth you realize that the science of medicine really has no science to it at all.  Most times the treatments, the best path to take is an educated guess.  There is no real shoe that fits a diagnosis, a treatment, a path.  Often times what seems like it will work does not and the wacky idea is what works.  I think being around medicine (I am talking when you have a child who is sick and you have little to no medical background) it can make you go nuts.  Nothing ever seems to go the way they think it will and just when you are about to scream, you try something off the wall and it works. 

I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I think back to times when Lydia was in the hospital and how frustrated my husband and I would get.  They would try and try and try things and it never seemed like it would work.  We would get the answer oh this should work now, this drug could have interfered with the angle of the light (OK...that is a little dramatic, but you get the point!).  I guess that is why when you hear a drug and the side effects, there is a longer list of side effects than what it is actually "curing."  They need to cover all of their bases because there is no one shoe that fits everyone.

We were all created as individuals to love one another, to care for one another, I believe to praise God.  I do believe that He created us and we live for Him; this is just our temporary home.  But no two of us are alike.  Even twins have different minds and interests and looks.  They may be similar, but they are still different.  God made us all individuals and together we can accomplish great things.

I guess that is no different than Lydia.  She was created as an individual.  She is Lydia and Down syndrome is something she has, not who she is.  We can compare her, we can test her, but ultimately she is going to be who she is, accomplishing things on her time line.  Not ours.  But no one expected her sisters too and she is no different.  You can try to lump her into a group, but she will prove you wrong; she most likely will not fit all of the time.  And on a side note: I have been asked several times what level Downs is Lydia.  Not sure how to answer that.  Again, the shoe does not fit everyone and she will be who God created her to be.  My husband gave me a great idea, the next time someone asks me that question tell them that she is a level 5 and just walk away.  I think I may.  End side note!

The shoe cannot fit everyone.  Even in Cinderella we learned that.  As much as the step sisters wanted it to fit, they couldn't.  It fit perfectly on one person's foot.  If we stop trying to be someone we aren't, if we stop trying to make people into persons they are not, I think then we can truly enjoy the blessings in life.  We can accept them for who they are and ourselves for all of our faults.  Wouldn't our life be much better if we accepted who we are today.  That does not mean that we can't change that we can't work to improve ourselves, but just embrace who we are today.

Today Satan has really been attacking me.  After a rough day at the doctors I went to the store.  I wanted to buy a tub of ice cream to go home and eat and cry.  As I walked in the store I kept seeing all of these very pretty ladies who were skinny and appeared to have money.  They appeared to be happy and have something that I didn't.  As I looked at myself, I had cracker from head to toe from Miss Lydia, I am slightly overweight, but I lacked any kind of confidence. 

I should show that I am a proud mom of three beautiful children, yes, I could stand to lose weight, but I try to teach my daughter's the importance of a good self image...NO MATTER WHAT.  My clothes are terribly out of date, my hair was actually curled, and I am sure I have no style.  However, I have never been a skinny minnie, never will, but I could do a better job at eating healthy and working out more.  I have never had any style, so it is not happening now.  But I realized that I have the opportunity, the gift to present to my girls a good self image.  Because I really don't care about the "looks" my girls don't have to hear me say I am ugly, oh that doesn't fit, I am fat nor do we focus on that as a family.  Yes, those comments creep in my head but I am aware of that and try to protect my girls.  So if I have to give myself a pat on the back; I do believe I do a pretty good job of that.  Now hiding your feelings in ice cream, not so good at that.

What I am trying to say is the shoe does not fit me for being skinny.  I am pretty sure the rich shoe would not fit me well either; I am a cheapskate at heart and I enjoy the dirty work!  The style shoe does not belong to me either.  But there are many other things that do fit and I need to be proud of them.  I need to embrace them.  God gave me many gifts and if I would stop longing for something else, I could perfect what I have been given. 

Lydia will have many different shoes that will fit and many that won't in her life.  BUT her sisters will have that too.  It is important to focus on the ones that do fit.  Sometimes it is draining raising a child with special needs.  You constantly go to appointments and testing and therapies to learn the shoes that do not fit.  I would encourage everyone to focus on the shoes that do fit.  I want to focus on the ones that look beautiful on her and show those off.  I don't want her to be uncomfortable in ones that are too high or are too small or too tight...I want her to be comfortable just the way she is.

In many aspects of our lives I think we can find shoes that don't fit.  But often times I would say that it is a blessing because it is not who we were created to be.  I think when we try to fit into a shoe that is too high, too low, too tight, too small, too big we look silly, we are uncomfortable.  Until we find the shoe that fits I believe we will always be out of place.

So today I will focus on who God made me and I will be proud of it.  I will focus on who God created my children to be, 46 or 47 Chromosomes does not matter to me.  All of them are gifts and have something a little bit different to add.  Be proud of who God created you to be and don't worry if the shoe does not fit, there is another one that looks better and is more comfortable.  I couldn't imagine Lydia with 46 Chromosomes; she just wouldn't be Lydia.