Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Lessons Learned from Lydibug Day 29

Imperfections are a blessing.
Imperfections are perfect.
Imperfections are wonderful.
Imperfections are teaching moments.
Imperfections are part of us all.

Lydia has taught me about imperfections and mainly mine.  See when I first learned that I was carrying a child with Down syndrome, my mind could only wrap itself around all of the imperfections that I read about.  The possibility of low lying ears, slanted eyes, low muscle tone, cognitive delays and the list goes on.  I read about the increased risk to many more medical issues.  My mind could not get past her imperfections she may have.

As I sit here now writing this I just think about how silly that is.  I think about what if my husband could not look past MY imperfections?  What if he only saw an overweight woman who has thinning hair, a huge scare on her forehead, a huge beauty mark on her face, a birth mark that takes up the entire side of her leg, THUNDER THIGHS, cottage cheese legs, and the list goes on.  So that is probably more than you needed to know; but hopefully you get my point.  What if he could not look past my short comings as a person.  Someone who use to have tendencies to lie, someone who was completely and utterly selfish, someone who let money direct her life, someone who was not very kind because she put herself first all of the time, someone who was critical of everyone else, and the list goes on and on.  What if he could not look past the fact that I detest feet, that I am terrified of heights or that I like to eat sweets.

Take a breath, that was a bit of an honest look at myself and I am horrified by it.  I am not a perfect person; not even close.  I have so many imperfections it is scary.  But my husband chose me to look past those and love me anyways.  I am sure I am not an easy person to love (bless his heart) but together we make a team, together we can overcome any hurdle.  Love is a choice and he chose to look past those imperfections.

I look at Lydia's imperfections and those are the things I am completely in love with.  I love how flexible she is.  She can get herself into the most unusual positions and it is cute.  I love the look of her eyes; especially when she rolls them (remind me of this when she is 15).  I love how her belly tells a BEAUTIFUL story of her life.  I love the sweetness of her personality and how she looks through life.  I love her, all of her imperfections.

See, the extra weight that I carry is still from growing and birthing three children.  The last put a little more stress on my body and then in my life and I still have not had the opportunity to work on getting that off.  The thunder thighs is something that I was blessed with along with the cottage cheese.  That is who I am, how I was made.  I do not let that stand in my way.  I try to be healthy and stay active, but that will not hinder me by any means!  Just like Lydia's slanted eyes or one crease on her hand or her low muscle tone.  None of that will slow her down or get in her way...that is just how she was created.

She may be a little slower at learning things than the other kids, but there are certainly other things that she is not slow at catching onto!  She has figured out how to be sassy and silly just like her sisters.  She has figured out that whining may or may not get her things.  She has figured out how to walk and get into EVERYTHING.  These experiences and things make her who she is, they complete her character.  She is a blessing.

As I reflect on the list of who I am, my imperfections it is long and really quite embarrassing.  However, a lot of things that I use to be have been changed because of Lydia.  A lot of things that I have not been proud that it was part of me, my daughter Lydia has taught me lessons and the importance of being a better person. 

Imperfect some may say, a better place without her, a simpler life for her family if she had not been born.  To me, when I put it in black and white, I would be very sad if I was the same person I was before Lydia, I bet the world is happy too that she came along to make her mom a better person.  Sometimes we need other people's imperfections in our lives to make us realize our own imperfections. 

Celebrate your imperfections, be proud of the person you are.  The words that were spoken at the Down syndrome Awareness Walk this year are still etched in my mind.  The ambassador that spoke was so proud of who he was, he was happy with the person God created him to be.  He knew there were things that he struggled with, but he was OK with that, he was going to try even harder to make sure that he too could accomplish that.  He knew his strengths, where he excelled and he knew his weaknesses too.  It balanced him and completed him as a person.  Simply beautiful to me.

All of Lydia's so called imperfections make her who she is.  All of her imperfections make me a better mom and a stronger person.  She has changed me in some very profound ways.  I am going to try really hard for my imperfections to be something I am not embarrassed of, but proud of because they make me, me. 

We all are imperfect in some way, shape or form.  She is no different there.  What she has, however, is an amazing outlook on her imperfections.  How she carries herself and what she does with those imperfections is what sets her apart.  She is a blessing in disguise and I am honored to be her mom. 

What will you chose to do with your imperfections?  I am glad that my husband looked beyond those imperfections and chose me and decided to love me anyways.  Because of that love we have been blessed with Lydia.  Because of that we have been taught many valuable lessons.

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